( warning: this is long, but worth it. )The night stung my eyes; the bright lights dripping from my window pane confused me until I realized rain was pattering its way across the streets. My apartment reeked of loneliness as I blinked my eyes open and closed for a few moments. My fingers were cold and cemented underneath my blankets which were ruffled and messed everywhere. I lied on my small bed, feeling the creaks come from everywhere - whether they were inside my body or my apartment. I stared at the window for a good moment, taking in the time, weather, and destination. The city lights blurred and shorted out in my vision before I fully woke up due to a large honk from a deranged driver.
Pulling my arm up from underneath the lace patterned blankets; I proceeded to rub my eyes lazily, stretching my legs with a slight groan. The bed creaked underneath one of my elbows as it lifted my body up into a sitting position; I grumbled something under my breathe, feeling my chocolate coloured hair slip down to conceal the sides of my faces and one of my eyes. My black tang top stretched around my curves, tightening around my breasts, restricting my body while my underwear fit snuggly around my hips. Before I could grab the will to sit up from my aching bed, I looked up once and examined the apartment I had just moved into.
The lights were dim, orange and freckled darkly with smidges of cheap fluorescent bulbs. Everything could be seen slightly with one doorway surrounded by bookshelves with too many books, a study desk hurriedly pushed aside with a small, spinning chair. A plant hung from the doorway, dying and nearly clutching onto the dusting door sill. The bathroom to the right of the door seemed small, lit by more orange lights with smudged mirrors and a ridiculously dirty bathtub. Moving away from the small room came a dark lit hallway which at the end held an exit door with a small silver chain to close it up. Out coming from the hallway stood a kitchen, neatly tucked into the crevice of the apartment by a small bar, concealing legs until brought up to the entrance of the kitchen. The kitchen was clean; the floor was tiled with black and white. The last area discovered is the eating table near paneled windows where people could see the busy streets below. One small ebony chair parked its way into the wood table; the table held a small coffee cup, a cigarette unlit and dead, and a dusted book - waiting to be finished.
I growled and felt a pain deep inside my chest similar to losing a favourite toy. Before the aching took a hold of me, I swung my pale naked legs over the bed, letting them slip over the icy wooden panels. My eyes were swollen, barely opening as I stood up, cracking my fingers out of habit. While I did so, another angry driver honked nosily on the street to which I twitched. I - annoyed - scuffled over to the window next to my bed, pulled the blind hurriedly over the view, and walked back over to the bed. I stretched my aching muscles; I became overwhelmed when I did this with the thoughts of what I had to do today. My tired mind could not comprehend past the ‘i’m hungry and am in need of food’ stage. Struggling to think, I walked my way out to the kitchen, feeling cold hit me from under to above with no mercy.
A cabinet door opens, my hands flies in to find food, my hips shake, my lips are being bitten by my teeth quite fervently, my tang top slips up above my belly button as I go on my toes to grab a bowl and some cereal; everything is normal. Until the door bell rang. I stopped savaging for food for a quick moment, feeling my face turn confused as the door bell rang once more. I had just moved here, and all the people I knew before I had left in the wake of a sudden moment of wanted change. I brushed my hair out of my face, and bit my lip even harder, feeling tiny skin peel off in my nervous state. I rationalized it in my head before tip toeing over to sneak a peek outside; I made up my mind that it was the apartment management.
While I whispered my feet to the door, I quickly thought of all the people I had left during my leave to Japan. Most of them hadn’t the time in the world to see me, and others had too low an income to fly all the way to say ‘hi’. The one I had left with such passion was of course my ex. My heart lurched at the thought of him, as I tried to quickly shoo away my emotions for the time being; I was nearing the door. I couldn’t help my straighten my hair out, and think more about him. I still loved him quite ardently - still thought about him most days. I ran away from him, and myself when I moved out to the Asian cultures. I even sometimes wished he would come back with me, and tell me all about how much he missed me. We were together for almost two years before the spilt when we were in high school; I’m in my twenties now.
I grasped the handle - coldness - and turned it slowly; letting the door creak open so I could stick my eyeball out to check. It was right at that moment when I realized that I was not fully dressed - that I still was in small underwear with cute tiny pink bows. The floor underneath me creaked as I jumped from where I stood; I slammed the door shut, letting cold air rush back in as I screamed for whoever it was to hold on a moment. I rushed my way through the door to quickly slip on small black shorts, and burgundy socks which felt divine in the cold. But before I could walk out to apologize and plead forgiveness, the person had strolled inside.
My heart stopped for a good moment while the rain still poured outside in buckets, as the bowl of the kitchen table lay quiet, as the streets still burned with incense and loud music. Heart sputtering back to life, I blinked my eyes and breathed in deeply. He stood there in front of me, letting one hand straddled his hip while his tight black jeans hugged him warmly. A scarf wrapped its way around his neck, letting white colours surround his deep cotton black coat which was speckled with rain drops. An amused face led me to his awaiting eyes, strawberry blonde locks, and smiling lips. My body ached, whined, and bitched at me to walk to him, and hug him. Every ounce of me wanted to walk through the crazy fog of the city, the damp sinking feeling of loneliness, and bring him to me in a warm welcoming embrace. Instead, I stared at him in disbelief.
No words were spoken as we continued to stare at each other from across the distances of the front door and bedroom door. My fingers were cold and shaking before I fisted them up in embarrassment; my eyes shrunk down to slits as I glared at him - angry that he had come here - angry that I was caught so off guard by his sudden appearance. His eyes became serious - a gentle pool of gold, grey and blue. He shook himself from the cold, looked around once with a distasteful sense, and quietly pulled a hand through his hair before turning back to me. I stood my ground, feeling vulnerable and completely at a loss of my game. He looked exactly the same.
I sensed the tension build up; I opened my mouth to say crude words but was put to a halt by his sudden ministrations. He strode up to me, long steps which closed the distance between us in mere seconds. His eyes glowing as the room around me suffocating our bodies, letting a quiet sigh before going out of my mind; I stared into his beautiful eyes and wondered how long it had been since I had actually seen them. He looked pained. Taking a hold of my small, pale waist, he pulled me softly towards him, letting our noses touch in soft wanting; I closed my eyes and leaned into his touch, feeling all pain seep through my pores like a sponge getting squeezed to let water pore out of it. I opened my eyes to see him staring at me once done, kissing my neck and cheek and face. It was hurried, pained.
” Why’d you do it?” he whispered between kisses as I felt panic rise into my chest. ” Why’d you run away? I had to ask everyone where you went and you know what? Only one person truthfully knew.”
Before I could answer and deflect, he added softly, ” I kept looking for you.”
My surroundings came back suddenly, and I looked down, feeling feelings I despised and pushed away half the time. The air around us coiled and slithered around us sickly like a snake waiting for its next prey. ” I … I didn’t know … what you thought.” I bit my lip before I continued, my throat getting thick and glued shut. ” I still had feelings for you - feelings I shouldn’t have had. When you left when we were young - and when you - ” I shut my mouth.
” “When I’ what?” he said, pulling me closer to let my head rest against his strong chest where I heard the beating of his lovely heart. ” go ahead. Tell me. I’ll listen “
I began to cry along with the rain; I let my cheeks get wet and my words stuttered up, along with the shaking of my hands. I had wanted this for so long. I was getting so tired of the quiet rooms, the dreadful nights, the lonely streets; I had missed him so much. And here he was, letting me into his arms, letting me see those lovely orange strands of soft hair. It was almost too much to bear with such a heart that I had. ” When you kept the friend act, I didn’t know what to do! I - I couldn’t handle being friends; I couldn’t handle you!” I choked a sob as he held me closer. ” I wanted to be with you… wanted you to find me.”
I heard him chuckle as his chest moved with it. I looked up at him, feeling weak, feeling angry and completely sick. His arms were so strong, his fingers so fine like silk on the kimono of a Japanese geisha. He pulled my chin up with such feather like strokes; let my face lead straight to him as he smiled a quirky smirk. I smiled for the first time in a long while, letting happiness, hope and wants flood me and feel me up to the core of my existence. He pulled my chin closer as we let our eyes close and compact our lips into one. Sparks. Heavenly soft chocolate sweet lips. Tightening chest, love.
We pulled back; I blushed. As he leaned in and wrapped both his arms around me, he whispered earnestly, ” I’ll be with you here, now. I won’t let you go anymore.
p/s: took it from tumblr.
