You are here to stay but you always run away. I didn't see it coming, you're slow to letting me go and I know this feeling oh-so this feeling in my bones. Tell me that I have one track, my mind just runs an endless lap. Thoughts of you are bound to end. Tell me you are here to stay.
Everyday, to make myself feel bad there's a chance I'll start to wonder if this was the thing to do. You take your time coming over here and I think that's for the best. You say I love you but I cannot stay. Call, break it off. I got uncertain from this. I cried so hard that you pushed me further away. I get so sad that sad gets to be. Everything I love, get back for me now. Everyone I love, I need you now.
So scared that all my feelings they up and leave me. I go so crazy I don't know what to do. I'll be perfect from now on but all my promises they're out the window once you're gone. Hold out for the ones you know will love you. Hide out from the ones you know will love you. Everything I say, I say to me first. Everything I do, I do to me first. So what, I lied I lied to me too. I know these habits hurt important parts of you. Remember when I was sweet and unexplainable nothing like this person, unlovable. I'll stray when I get a little scared.
Hard-hearted don't worry I'm ready for a fight. Repeat, repeat the words that I know we both said, you said you couldn't love me and all I do is love you. Now with your cause and affection on my mind, I won't yield, throw caution into the blaze. Watch, with a bit of friction, I'll be under your clothes and with a bit of focus, I'll be under your skin.
Its 3:11am and I'm still wide awake. I cant sleep. I've been watching Ellen D always before bed time. I think its a good way to end a day. Certain video made me laugh til there were tears on my eyes. :') She is such an amazing women. I adore her!
Well, anyways, I cant believe I wont be able to attend Whitney's b'day dinner. 3 more weeks than school's going to reopen which means, I have three more weeks to get stuff done. I have to take my highway code theory test, the main one. Tuition hunting for next year. As much hangout I can have with the loves ones. These are the top of my list. Hopefully, things will work out the way I want. -fingers crossed-
Got a haircut too. Well obviously, not what I wanted but what mum wanted. -.- I'm getting sick of being her barbie doll. I'm sixteen and I can even get my choice of haircut, sigh. This is the last time shes doing this do me. Do you know how fucking embarrassing is it to argue with your mum about the choice you wanna make on yourself in front of the hairstylist. -faceplam-
As far as I see this, I am weak in her eyes. I'm not capable of making choice in her eyes. She thinks, the thing I want is not me. She doesn't want to accept the fact, I'm not like the other girls. I'm boyish, that fact is so hard for her to swallow. This whole thing has causes a big chaos in my life and this chaos is never going to have an ending and I feel that already. I just want my relationship with my mum to get stronger. I need her to have at least a percent of faith in me. That's all I ask for.
Goodnight peeps.
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