Swimming In The Darkest Sea.

People said after awhile you will come to a stage where you will accept things the way it is. I wont and never will accept the fact you are no longer here no matter who says. I wont accept that fact at all. I JUST WONT AND I JUST CANT. At random moments I just wish you will just call out of nowhere and start asking hows things and stuff like that. Like you were here all along.

It was so weird seeing your face on the paper and on top of your picture theres 1st anniversary. I felt so uncomfortable with that. And dad was like, " did you see the picture?" "how was it?" "nice or not?". I didnt answer him at all. I was just pissed off. Who the fuck in the right mind will ever ask that kinda of questions. Its not a fucking wedding invitation. I think he is the only man in the world who doesn't give a fuck about how people feels. I know these words I'm using is harsh but .. I dont care. I dont even know what Im doing.

I hope you're okay. I just wanna see you time to time but I cant. You dont do dream calls for me. And thats not fair. I ain't getting chocolate for the 1 year prayers we are going to have for you next month if you pop out in my dreams. I mean it. :P I love you alright. Just be around more often. That all i ask for. After all, you're the one I love the most. You're awesome, you know that? I really miss you. I just wanna spend time with you again. I dont even know when thats going to happen. Love you, Grandpa. Always did. You've been the best person in my life when it comes to family. You'll always be my hope. I need you more than the words can describe. You're very speacial to me. Be with me, okay? I dont know if you are but just be with me always. Dont leave me. No matter rain or sun, just dont leave me.