Due to numerous events in my recent past I am beginning to believe that it is impossible to be “just friends” with another lesbian. Every time I have tried this approach it has failed miserably which is very unfortunate, as it leaves me with no gay friends to relate to. Don’t get me wrong. I love the friends I do have. But I just want to be able to talk to someone who understands on occasion.
Well, the first girl I was friends with put the moves on me, as they say. We were just chilling watching a movie and she suddenly leaned over and kissed me. I was shocked and confused, but I went with it. Why not right? Unfortunately it didn’t work out as a relationship, and then the possibility of friendship was ruined.
Second girl. I met her at a club. I know that’s not the best start to any friendship or relationship, but it happened. We started hanging out and she said she wasn’t looking for a relationship. She also detailed her history of having random NSA sex with girls. I just accepted it and began thinking of it as a cool new friendship. However, on occasion she would say things that just didn’t fit in with everything else. For instance, one day she called me and told me she wanted to come over and give me a massage. Entirely bizarre and out of nowhere in my opinion. Fortunately she called me back later and said she couldn’t come over because she wasn’t feeling sexy. After the phone call was over I just stared at my phone and went “Huh?”. What the hell did feeling sexy have to do with our friendship? Nothing. I think she was a little confused about what a friendship is. Or she wanted more. I’m not sure which. But eventually she found out I was looking to meet other girls and she suddenly stopped speaking to me. I never heard from her again.
Third girl. We were hanging out at a local gay bar and just having a few drinks with one of my guy friends. Unfortunately she and I both got a little more drunk than we had intended. But I wasn’t too concerned. Everything seemed pretty normal, and my guy friend was there and a lot less inebriated. So, at the end of the night when we parted ways I gave her a hug, which I see as very vanilla and friendy. However, as I attempted to leave she went in for a kiss. I backed away because I didn’t feel that way about her. It was very awkward. I talked to her a few more times, but I never saw her again. She moved back out west.
Fourth girl. This girl was actually non-labeled as opposed to being lesbian. She is more of the girl of my dreams type. We met online and I was thrilled. She was funny, extremely intelligent, and completely gorgeous. I was hooked from the start. So we started dating. It was very casual, but I always felt like it was leading to something more. However, after the second time we saw each other she had a bit of a life crisis. For various reasons (important reasons that I completely understand) she decided she needed a bit of space and time to herself to think about her life. However, it also seemed to kill the friendship to some degree. I haven’t seen her in…almost 2 months now. I understand someone’s need for space. I’ve been there before too. But I don’t understand not even being able to hang out every now and again. I don’t expect a relationship from her, as that would be unfair. But I would still like to be friends in this time while she works things out. But, she will do what she will, and I will try to get over it. She begged me to stick with her despite all of this, and I am trying.
Fifth girl. I also met her online. She claimed to simply want a friend, which I was down with. New friends are always fine by me. But now that things have cooled with girl #4 they seem to have picked up with #5. When #5 heard me talk about how things weren’t so great with the other girl, things started to change. At the end of one drunken night she went in for a kiss. I turned me head and got a kiss on the neck instead. I wasn’t ready to move on from girl #4 (I’m still not). The other day we hung out again. Somehow she ended up leaning on me between my legs as I sat on a stool. She was a bit toasted so I was fine with it. Some people just get touchy feely when drunk, which I totally understand. Though I was completely sober so it seemed a little odd. Anyways. At the end of the night I got another neck kiss. Ummmmm….no clue what that is about. I would like to believe that she gives everyone neck kisses. But I am having a hard time convincing myself of it.
And that is my entire history with girls. As a result I am beginning to see the lesbian friendship as a total myth. But maybe I am not only unlucky at love, but also at friendship. What do you think?
I don't know the name of the writer.
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