You Make Me Feel Useless!

Your gonna miss this and someday, your gonna want this back. Your gonna wish these days hadn't gone by so fast. You may not know it now. You know, I never really thought of saying these words to you but I think I was wrong cause one day, you will miss me and you will regret for being close to me. You will think of the words you use to say to me and not meaning it. You just wait and see. You wont know it now but sooner or later you are going too.

be right back.

I came cause I wanted to check on your injuries and also to tell you that I'm plainly hanging by a thread and I'm running low on patience. Nothing makes sense, I can't tell love from hate and I have been begging myself to make something out of it. I need you to tell me something new cause it's just that you're uneasy when you need me. You can say it's right, but it feels so wrong. Maybe, I've broken my heart so many times and I stopped keeping track. Talking myself in and talking myself out, its hard. I get all worked up but in the end I let myself down and blame other people.

Wait,does this make any sense?

"At the time I was 15 and I had been trying to get with a boy for about six months but he had me on hold. The only people I was out to was my best friend Vanessa and my friend Dee Dee. One day Dee Dee told me that a friend of hers, whom I had a major crush on, liked me and introduced us. Two days later Anisha became my very first girlfriend. One day before third period the boy I wanted to get with saw us kissing goodbye. That day at lunch I was sitting eating and all of a sudden everyone at one table turned and looked at me once. A boy named Sam came up to me and said, "Is it true?" I nodded. He said, "Stand up, you see all these n****s in here and you wit a female?"

That was Friday, by Monday the whole school knew. I was a lucky one in that I haven't been teased much. I still get the looks and the whispers, but mostly all of my friends stayed by me and continue to do so.

So school life was fine, but then my mother found out. Total melt down could be the word. Think of a mother taking her 15 year old daughter coming out in the worst possible way and times that by about 20 and you have how my deeply religious mother took it.

I am now 17 and out to everyone I know and outed to those I meet by my 15 year friend Jon who introduces me as his "Cool lesbian Jo." I have been kicked out of my house and live with my best friend Vanessa. My mother keeps in contact with me. My stepdad and I haven't talked in four months and my real father loves my girlfriend. My younger brother and sister couldn't care less who I'm with as long as I'm happy."

--Jo

I don't seem to like you anymore. You seem to be so far away. You make me feel useless. You are my best friend and I don't think you are anymore. I'm going to put a fullstop for it. Its never going to be forever. I knew it, I hope you did too. I'm tried of holding on so, its time to let go but I don't know how. I suck at saying goodbye. It kills me inside to know that you are longer who I thought you be. You weren't meant to be apart of my life and I wasn't meant to be part of your life too.

"Your final lullaby"