Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual And Transgender People Are At Risk Every Day Of Their Lives.

I am seventeen years old. I met my best friend Cindy online four years ago this year (2009). I was twelve, almost thirteen when I met her. I was introduced to her through one of our Danish friends, who added me into their conversation on IM. From then on, Cindy and I began to type every day, and I enjoyed talking with her because of our great love of music. We had so much in common! Soon, she became my Best Friend, not just a person I talked to online. I could tell her everything, and still can today.

For the past few years, I've had a boyfriend, who I lost my virginity to. I loved him so much, but he graduated and needed to move on. After a while, I felt as though all he wanted me for was sex, and I didn't want to be that kind of girl. I broke up with him, for the last time, and haven't talked to him since - I am extremely happy that I am rid of him, because he didn't make me happy...not the way that Andrea did.

Cindy had always seemed upset whenever I would mention Martin in any sense, and I figured that it was because he had 'taken me' away from her. We had broken up and gotten back together quite a few times, and I had previously told Cindy that I thought we should get back together again. A few days later, I was confused as to why Cindy was showing a cold shoulder to me, so I decided to ask our very good internet friend, Victor, what he thought. I was being my usual oblivious self, and asked him repeatedly, "Why is she mad at me? I haven't done anything!" He got so frustrated at me, that he suddenly exclaimed, "Maybe it's because Cindy has a crush on you, and has for years!"

This made me laugh. I went to Cindy's page and typed to her, "Haha, Victor thinks you have a crush on me!" Silence. Then, her reply: "I told him not to tell you my secrets." She was very upset with him. This shocked me. At first, I felt disgusted, as if taught instinct came in, saying 'a girl likes you! Weird!' I talked to Cindy about it, and she told me that she has liked me ever since our first meeting, about a year after we met in person. I was greatly confused. What should I do? I...don't know if I feel the same way! How would I go about this? Will this destroy our relationship?

What Now? My Best Friend Has a Crush on Me!

I decided to, once again, consult Victor for advice. He then began to talk to me, about the possibility of me liking her. He said, 'think of it this way, why do you two have such a special bond? What creates this bond? What keeps you coming back to her, time after time? Why do you feel so guilty if you do something wrong? Why do you love being around her so much, when you just get tired of other people around you?"

It made sense: everything in my life led to Cindy. I began to play with the idea of liking girls...or, rather, of me finally realizing my true feelings for girls. It took me a few weeks of hard thinking, but I began to open up to the thought, that I was bi-sexual. This explains why being with Martin always felt slightly wrong, or why I was so upset that one of my close girl-friends was angry with me, or why I loved experimental girl kissing of earlier years so much. I had always assumed that it was 'bad' to like girls, because my father is so homophobic, and I just assumed that I should like boys like my mom and sister do. So I liked boys...but there was just something about girls - something about Cindy - that made me feel so...amazing. Something I had never felt with Martin.

It Hit me! I like Girls!

It hit me. I like girls...yes...I like girls! I like them...a LOT...it explains everything. After the weeks of recognition, happiness began to flow back into my life again, after years of depression. It was - is - like a breath of fresh air. I felt like I could fly! THIS is what I have been looking for, this part of me that has been missing, or pushed away in the corner of my mind, without my even realizing it! This explains why I was such a tomboy when I was younger, why I never really liked girly things, why relationships with men would always go wrong, why I always have craved something more... After thinking longer, I asked Cindy to be my girlfriend, and she said yes. We have been together for five months now - not long, I'll admit - but I really think that I could - will - have a future with her. I feel so comfortable, like I could hold her forever.

Over three weeks ago, Cindy came to visit me this summer, instead of me visiting her. I was excited - she would finally get to see my town, the way I live, the things that make me, me. We had previously talked about kissing, and joked about making out before, but I was excited because, I just knew that a kiss from her, would be heavenly bliss - something without the awkwardness of 'experimenting' with girls that I had tried before. My mom, her boyfriend, and I went to pick Cindy up on a Saturday. During the long ride home, I contemplated when the best time would be to kiss her - nothing felt right. I felt so nervous! I have known her for four years, I thought to myself, “Why am I so nervous?” Because, this changes everything...because it will be the best first kiss of my life...

Our First Kiss.

That evening, on my bed, Cindy and I laid next to each other, deep in discussion, giddy at being so close once again. I held her hand - it was soft and warm, like it had always been, but now we both know how we felt for each other. I puckered my lips, and Andrea leaned forward and kissed me, soft as a feather. Heavenly bliss!!

As the days went by, Cindy and I progressed with our physicality. This puzzled me, because it took Martin months to get to where Cindy was - but of course! It was because we were so comfortable. It felt so right, so amazing, so beautiful, something so special and new, unlike anything I had experienced before.

During the days, Cindy and I would cook food for each other, and spend time together listening to our favorite music. We would kiss each other as we walked by, or hold hands while we sat next to each other. Her skin was so warm, her caress so soft! In the evenings, we would sit out on my apartment deck and cuddle up close, and watch the summer stars. Sometimes, we would lay out a pad and blanket and sleep on the deck, and kiss beneath the starlight. We would get so heated, I would feel my body opening up to her touch, craving to be with her in this way. Mind and body - combined.

One evening, after a session of two-AM kissing beneath a blanket, I brought Cindy into our main living room area, laid out a blanket on the floor, and asked Cindy to lay down next to me. We cuddled up, and kissed some more, the moonlight shining from the screen-door. The breeze from outside travelled pleasantly in. I rolled on top of Cindy and began to kiss her hungrily, she returned my kisses enthusiastically. We slowly removed our clothing, … Oh, the joy, the taste, the beauty of women! She moaned as I pleasured her - a new experience, a rejoicing of human bodies and spirits together. Not bad for my first time!

I crawled up next to her and we cuddled up next to each other, naked. I loved every second, the taste of her, the beauty and sensuality of her skin - she exuded sexy, and I knew that this was my purpose.

She left back home a few weeks ago, and we still chat online, but the more research I do about lesbians and sex, makes me further realize that, although I do love men (and there are a few I'd like a roll in the hay with) I am really a lesbian, one who is so proud of who she is. I think I am even more proud than Cindy, even though she's known for longer! I love her.

I have told almost everyone in my family, except my grandmother and father, who I don't think would appreciate it if I told them. I know now that I am true to myself, and I love myself more fully for knowing, and experiencing what I love most - women!

by Rose, Washington State

I came across this story last night and I read it.