It's my 4th post for today. I'm really fucking pissed off and sad about something I found out today. It's breaking my heart. I feel like shouting at him STOP IT ! The conversation is still running through my head since 3something pm. I don't know how, I don't know why, I cant believe it, It kills me too see it. I want him to stop it. I'm fucking worried. I just want him to stop it right now. I'm the small one who cant do anything to save him. What is going to happen to him if he doesn't stop. Will he get it ? I need someone to hug right now or maybe lean on someone and cry but, it still wont help. I want to save him but I cant. I feel awful. My heart is breaking to see and hear all this. I also saw IT in the bag today. It was there. It was light blue in colour. I feaked out. I felt like throwing it away but I didn't have the guts. Is anyone there who is awake reading my blog ? If you are and you have my number pls call me I want to let it out but I don't know who do I tell. I'm really scare. I wish I had someone right beside me now. When he said the word "yes" my heart just stop beating and nothing came out but tears. I'm soo freaked out. Are you there Joey? Brenda? SOMEONE! Pls help me ! I beg you. I'm really really scared. I cant sleep, I cant eat, I can think of anything but this I cant do anything. WHY must it be like this in this year and this month? WHY ? Why did I ask that question and why did he said yes WHY!?!?! Will I lose him? I use to say I hate him but I don't mean it. I love him. Even if we don't talk I love him. Even if we fight I love him. Even if he scolds I love him. I want him back like how he was. PLS !! Do something. You have the power. Pls do SOMETHING. If they die he is the only one I got. I have on one else.

I'm sorry if there is any errors cause I DIDN'T look up to the screen when I type this whole thing.