I think I am on a journey to be a better person.
I know just saying that doesn't make me a better person or anything but I think I am trying to be a better person. I have to proof that to myself. I need to get things done. I need to chase after my so called dream. I need to work hard. I need to put the best of me in works or things that I start doing. There something worth while for all this. I need to be someone for myself before I could be someone to someone else.
Just knowing that I love someone so much that it changes the whole perspective of life. The way I looked at my life then and the way I'm looking at life now, its a whole new ball game. What I thought wasn't important for my future is now very important for my future. Slowly, I'm starting to realized that everything I do now or say now will take place in my future. And for me to realized this whole thing, just took one person. Just one. (maybe two)
I'm really thankful and grateful for having her in my life. I think if I didn't say what I did said to her, I would be missing out in alot of things including happiness. I'm so very thankful to myself for having the balls to admit how I feel about her to her. It wasn't easy, it is not easy and it never will be easy. In between all this happiness of having her around and how grateful I am, theres a spilt second of thought of losing her. That is my one number fear.
She's my best friend and she's the person I love. I want her but I don't wanna lose her. And that's me, being deliciously selfish. I’m overly and terribly convinced that shes my someone, the someone that I will love unconditionally. She deserve that. And I'm not just saying this because she deserve it but its because its true and its a fact. Me loving her unconditionally, its a fact and I will never deny it. I wont deny it even if you try to put a lizard in my head. (I've super high phobia of lizards btw)
I am a very pessimistic person. I always come up with my own excuses and they are ones that always scares me and makes me wanna run away from trying something or anything. But lately, even without my own realization, I've been pretty optimistic. I don't know how, but she did make me see the best in things and also the worst in thing. And to always have hope. I don't believe in hope, I never did, but the way things have been changing, hoping alittle wont hurt so much afterall.
"We are all in the gutter but some of us are looking at the stars." - Oscar Wilde.
I'm not sure if you will read this but if you are reading this, just know that, you mean more to me than anyone I ever loved at all. The way I feel about you isn’t even something I could write out. It isn’t something I could sing, scream, explain, illustrate or recreate. Its nothing but its everything. Everything that will never be nothing. And nothing to be something which will mean everything someday.
I just remembered how my how my mind went to a place I have never even imagined and I forgot to breathe. For a second, you were everything and nothing, alive in every sense of the word. Finding someone who can make me feel the way you do every day of my life even if we go days without talking, that's incredibly awesome and I'm thankful for that. (I feel like I'm giving a thanksgiving speech :S) I had the most amazing times with you, I cant deny that. Everytime I was with you, its felt so real. You made me feel alive. You made me feel invincible.
There’s not a single day that goes by that I don’t miss you, I miss you more than these simple words typed could express. I'm a nutcase at times. And a really really dumb one cause I always wanted to try to impress you. But I’ve stopped trying how to impress you and I've stopped wondering too. Because you always reminded me you love me for who I am. That's always my wake up call to be me with you. Not to be John Mayer, Luke Pritchard or any other sexy dude. I need to be ME. Just ME. And screw Tegan Rain Quin! I don't wanna her. People who are all crazy for her, doesn’t know you. If they did, Tegan will have to compete you and lose miserably to you.
I owe so many moments of smiles, laughter, and even first experiences all to you. You were honestly the first person I ever loved, the first person I fell in love with. And I know now you might be thinking, what about the guy you 1st fell for and stuff like that. I'll tell you this, I never knew what love meant at the age of 12. He wasn't love. He was a crush. A adorable one and still is. Not a crush but as a adorable person.
I know I’ll love you for the rest of my life in some way and all way. I will always be here for you no matter what happens. There’s so much left of yourself to give, so much left in you to love and breathe another day. I’d rather have you any day, but I don’t know where we stand.
And this song will always remind me of you.
I came along one day and you rearranged my life.
