Brick

The smell of cold. Car seat is freezing. The world is sleeping. I am numb. Now, that I have found someone, I'm feeling more alone than I ever have before. I pace around the parking lot then I walk down to buy her flowers and sell some gifts that I got. Can't you see, it's not me you're dying for. Now, she's feeling more alone than she ever has before.

Calculation Theme

I'm sick, you're tired, let's dance. Break to love make lust, I know it isn't. I wish we were farmers, I wish we knew how to grow sweet potatoes and milk cows. I wish we were lovers, but its for the best. Tonight your ghost will ask my ghost, where is the love? Tonight your ghost will ask my ghost, who put these bodies between us?

In A Lonely Place

I was born when she kissed me. I died when she left me. I lived a few weeks while she loved me.

HATE ME

I have to block out thoughts of you so I don’t lose my head
They crawl in like a cockroach leaving babies in my bed
Dropping little reels of tape to remind me that I’m alone
Playing movies in my head that make a porno feel like home
There's a burning in my pride, a nervous bleeding in my brain
An ounce of peace is all I want for you. Will you never call again?
And will you never say that you love me just to put it in my face?
And will you never try to reach me?
It is I that wanted space

Hate me today
Hate me tomorrow
Hate me for all the things I didn't do for you

Hate me in ways
Yeah ways hard to swallow
Hate me so you can finally see what’s good for you

I’m sober now for 3 whole months it’s one accomplishment that you helped me with
The one thing that always tore us apart is the one thing I won’t touch again
In a sick way I want to thank you for holding my head up late at night
While I was busy waging wars on myself, you were trying to stop the fight
You never doubted my warped opinions on things like suicidal hate
You made me compliment myself when it was way too hard to take
So I’ll drive so fucking far away that I never cross your mind
And do whatever it takes in your heart to leave me behind

And with a sad heart I say bye to you and wave
Kicking shadows on the street for every mistake that I had made
And like a baby boy I never was a man
Until I saw your blue eyes cry and I held your face in my hand
And then I fell down yelling “Make it go away!”
Just make a smile come back and shine just like it used to be
And then she whispered “How can you do this to me?”

Creep

When you were here before, couldn't look you in the eye. You're just like an angel. Your skin makes me cry. You float like a feather in a beautiful world. You're so fucking special but, I'm a creep. I'm a weirdo. What the hell am I doing here? I don't belong here. I don't care if it hurts. I want to have control. I want a perfect body. I want a perfect soul. I want you to notice when I'm not around.

The Drugs Don't Work

All this talk of getting old, it's getting me down, my love. And I hope you're thinking of me as you lay down on your side. Now, the drugs don't work, they just make you worse but I know I'll see your face again. 'Cause baby, if heaven calls, I'm coming too. Just like you said, you leave my life, I'm better off dead.

White Sparrows

The cold wind blows right through my bones and I feel like I'm getting old but, I wish I was getting old with you. Black arrows cut the strings of my heart, I kneel and pray. The phone sits on the windowsill and every time it rings it gives me chills. My heart just stopped when I was told, my love was never coming home. I'm crying in pain.

Heaven Knows I'm Miserable Now

In my life, why do I give valuable time to people who don't care if I live or die? In my life, why do I smile at people who I'd much rather kick in the eye?

Black

I take a walk outside. I'm surrounded by some kids at play. I can feel their laughter so, why do I sear?
Twisted thoughts that spin round my head and now my bitter hands cradle broken glass of what was everything. All the pictures had all been washed in black. Tattooed everything. All the love gone bad turned my world to black. Tattooed all I see, all that I am, all I'll be. I know someday you'll have a beautiful life. I know you'll be a star in somebody else's sky but, why can't it be mine?

Hurt

I focus on the pain, the only thing that's real. Try to kill it all away but, I remember everything. I wear this crown of thorns upon my liar's chair. Full of broken thoughts I cannot repair. Beneath the stains of time, the feelings disappear. You are someone else, I am still right here. Everyone I know, goes away in the end.

-

I think it's great for two people to be together. That is a good number. I think, that to keep it alive though, you can't spend every day together. It wears out the magic. Love means nothing to me if it's not fortified with fierce, painful longing, brief explosive instances of furious passion and intimacy and then a sad parting for a time. In that way, you can give your life to it and still have a life of your own. I think some couples spend too much time together. They flatten out the potential for experience by constant closeness. Passion builds over time like steam. Let it rage until it's exhausted and then leave it alone to let it build up again. Why can't love be insane and distorted? How can it be vital if it has the same threshold as normal day-to-day experience? Why can't you write burning letters and let your nocturnal self smolder with desire for one who is not there? Why not let the days before you see her be excruciating and ferment in your mind so on the day you go to the airport to pick her up, you're nearly sick with anticipation? And then when desire shows the first sign of contentment, throw it back it its cage and let it slowly build itself back into a state of starved fury. Then when you are together, it all matters. So that when you look into her eyes, you lose your balance, so that when she touches you, it feels like you have never been touched before. When she says your name, you think it was she who named you. When she has gone, you bury your face in the pillow to smell her hair and you lie awake at night remembering your face in her neck, her breathing and the amazing smell of her skin. Your eyes go wet because you want her so bad and miss her so much. Now that is worth the miles and the time. That matches the inferno of life. Otherwise you poison each other with your presence day after day as you drag each other through the inevitable mundane aspects of your lives. That is the slow death that I see slapped on faces everywhere I go. It's part of the world's sadness that's more empty than cold, poorly lit rooms in cities of the American night.
by Henry Rollins.

Everything Truth

Never Forget You by Lupe Fiasco ft. John Legend.

This is the only song that keeps reminding me of what happen in Dec, 2010. I just want to go back to that particular day where everything was just... perfect, in a most beautiful way. The most beautiful thing I have ever experienced and nothing ever felt so perfect in my life since that moment. I just want to kiss you all over again. Over and over and over and over and over again. I just want to go back and be in that moment and never leave it. Ah, if only that was possible. Oh god, I love you so damn much that in everything I do and see, write, sing, talk, breath, run, walk, I just feel you inside of me, floating in my mind, breathing you in and out. You never left me, mentally.

Man, this is so stupid. I think I'm on crack.

Shivers

Two different people. Two different lives. I just want us to intertwine. I just want to love... that doesn't matter anymore.